Constant bickering can make a marriage tiring, hard, and strenuous, yet it can seem so hard to find a way to stop arguing about almost everything. If this is how your marriage currently is, there is hope. To stop the bickering and arguing, you and your spouse will need to learn better strategies for managing conflict. Here are some tips that may help you find a way to end the fighting.
Agree To Work Hard Towards This Goal
Solving a problem in marriage is much easier to do if both spouses can agree to solve it. Agreeing to solve a problem you have, such as constant arguing, is a good first step, but you will not be able to solve this problem unless you can both agree to really work hard on finding a solution. Here are three steps to make this happen:
- Talk about it – Chances are that both of you despise this part of your marriage, so agreeing to fix the problem might not be very hard.
- Set up a time to work on it – Setting up a time to talk about this is also important, and you should do everything you possibly can to stick with this schedule. You should plan at least one meeting a week for this topic, but planning two meetings might be better.
- Agree to ignore the small things for a while – Finally, making an agreement to ignore small spats for a while might also be helpful. If you can ignore the small arguments you get in on a daily basis, you will be able to focus more on the goal, which is to find better strategies to handle the conflict in your marriage.
After you complete these three steps, you can begin working on a solution.
Get Rid Of The Old, Bad Habits
Before you can begin finding ways to handle your conflict more effectively, you will need to talk about the bad habits and mistakes both of you are currently making in the marriage. As you talk about this, you will begin unveiling what both of you think. As this occurs, make a list of every bad habit you both agree should not be allowed any longer during disagreements. This can include the following habits:
- Name calling
- Angry, sarcastic tones and attitudes
- Walking away during the middle of a conversation
- Lack of empathy
- Failing to find a mutual solution
- Lack of gentleness and love
Your list might include some of these things or all of them, but it may also include any other bad habits that impede the ability to talk nicely about a subject and find a resolution.
Create A Set Of New Guidelines
Agreeing to get rid of old, bad habits is a great way to start finding better methods to use for conflict resolution, and it will be helpful to have your list handy as you begin working on creating a new set of guidelines for the way you will handle conflicts. It's important to realize that conflicts generally occur because of a lack of communication or differences in the way you both think. Improving the way you communicate may help you reduce the conflict in your marriage, but accepting the differences in each other will also help.
Now, you can begin creating your list, and this list should contain things you both agree should occur during any type of conflict. Your list may contain some of the following guidelines:
- Choose the right time to talk – Avoid times when you are rushed or when others are around.
- Use the right tone and attitude – Speaking in love is the best way to communicate a message without the other person feeling defensive or angry.
- Discuss all possible options for a solution and agree on one – Many couples fight about the same things every day or week, and this occurs primarily because they never find a solution they are both happy with.
- Give equal times to both partners to speak – It's never fair to allow only one of you to talk, so you should come up with a way to give both spouses ample time to discuss the issue.
These guidelines are a good place to start if you want to learn how to stop arguing so much. If you would like more tips like this, visit a marriage counselor from a company likeAssociates For Counseling & Psychotherapy today.Share